I Will Not Blame the Baby for Everything After It’s Born

Yes, here it is. Another blog from a woman who happens to have something growing inside of her. I’m 30 and just in the first stages of fetus-growing. Haven’t Facebooked the news yet, but the family knows.

Nothing much has changed for me yet. I feel some cramping and bloating, like my insides are expanding. I’ve never paid this much attention to what’s going on inside of me, and it’s like a science experiment. No morning sickness… yet.

I find that I’m blaming most things on my pregnancy. I could be, like, dying, and I wouldn’t know it. hanging all my problemsReally thirsty? Zygote’s fault. Trip and fall outside of Aldi? Not my usual clumsiness, it’s Ziggy. Headachey? Zig. Falling asleep at 10am? Zig. Pissy? Zig. Eating much more than I should? It doesn’t matter that I’ve always done this, ZYGOTE.

I know the thing is the size of a walnut right now, but I like giving it control over everything. I’m aware that this is a bad precedent. I don’t think I’ll be one of those moms who blames their kids for everything, but I can see the appeal. (I COULD HAVE BEEN A STAR!!!)

My hubs was clear from the beginning that he didn’t want kids and I was right there with him. Then, one day, I read a scene in a book. (Books can be blamed for a lot of things, too.) A father goes to his daughter’s ballet recital and gives her flowers. My dad did that for me when I was little. That’s all it took. I spent the next five minutes listening to my biological alarm clock ringing. I didn’t know I had set it.

ring ring

I told the hubs right away, then left him alone. Another five minutes, and he came in smiling. “I’m not freaking out,” he said.

This was about a year and a half ago. Since then, we decided to move from LA to Nashville (closer to family, cheaper, or… let’s add some drama… we’re on the lam). Since I’m a writer and he’s a musician/theatre director, we’re on individual health insurance. Until OBAMACARE (woot!) kicks in, pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition, so we had to wait until we got our Nash insurance, then glove it up until the 10 month waiting period was over. And now, here we are.

Anyway, that’s my story. Just another lady doing what bajillions of ladies have done before her. Fingers crossed it goes well from here.


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