I Will Not Stop Being a FeministPosted: 02/02/2013
Just because I am fulfilling my biological role (pushing out a kid) does not mean that I’m going to fulfill my Gender Role once the baby is born. This is obvious to everyone who knows me, but I figured I should let you all know (and by ‘you all’, I mean the dog who accidentally clicked over. Hey, Rex.)
A recent study from the Center for Advanced Studies in Madrid found that when men do more housework, a couple has less sex. Many articles have spun this as “women don’t like men who do girly stuff.” (for example)
In the press release, they talk about “the importance of socialized gender roles.” I should point out, this study only surveyed heterosexual couples. I would assume these stats go out the window when gender is neutralized. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was gay.
Who knows why these couples are having less sex? I think:
1. Women are more willing to be coaxed into sex when they’re tired
2. Women are less willing to be the coaxer when the man is tired
3. Men are less willing to do anything when they are tired
Or maybe the couples that answered the study happened to have less sex in general.
Obviously, the reason this study is getting so much press is because it plays into the traditional gender roles that people are so anxious to keep going. My hubs and I have never fit those roles. He gets annoyed with mess before I do, I pay the bills. It’s not like we made a conscious effort to fight the norm, it’s just who we are. And that’s not going to change just because I did my womanly duty and endured 9 months of crazy followed by who-knows-how-long of torture. Though I do plan on holding that over his head when I’m really not wanting to change a dirty diaper.
The 30 Rock finale (spoilers if you haven’t watched it yet, Rex) addressed this in a great way (as it did most things, except for in a few of the later seasons, which were pretty bad). Liz and her man try to fit the norms and Liz stays home while her man goes off to work. By the end, they realize that they each happen to want the opposite. Of course, they couldn’t let the scene end without Liz saying something like “I’m the man.” No, you just LIKE TO WORK, Liz!
I should note that the study did not find any correlation between women working more/making more money and sex, so that’s interesting. Also of note: the articles I read didn’t really mention this.
I don’t think anyone should be expected to do something just because of their gender, and if that turns you off, Rex, I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends. I just see so many mommy bloggers fall into the coded language: “Daddy helped out around the house today!” or “So grateful that my husband did the grocery shopping this week.” I know it’s easy to do that, and I want to state it for the Momifesta record: I Will Not.