I Will (Probably Not) Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to DropPosted: 02/05/2013
Okay, so I think this week marks two months. I don’t have my first appointment with the midwives until the last day of February, so it’s all sort of guesswork, and it’s only just starting to feel real.
I still look for blood in all the wrong places.
I still think that maybe this is all some sort of horrible joke.
I still wonder why this is so easy for me (so far) when so many have gone through the bad stuff.
I still wonder when I will throw up… and why am I not throwing up? Does that mean nothing is happening? Maybe I’m just really bloated.
Forget that I’ve never missed a period in my life, forget that I actually feel myself expanding, forget the fact that I’m running about a minute/mile slower than I normally do without realizing it (and cramping up way more than normal), I still feel like something might happen. No one gets pregnant right when they want to and feels so good, right?
I still feel weird telling people, like that’s going to make it not happen. I’m waiting until the appointment before I go wide with the news, but I’ve started telling the inner circle. Well, those who I know will be able to keep it quiet.
We all have friends who can’t keep it quiet. I feel bad for not telling them, but if this all goes wrong (which I WILL stop thinking about), I don’t want the sympathy. If Zig isn’t ready, he/she isn’t ready, and that’s disappointing, but we’ll be ok. Sympathy just makes everything worse. For me, anyway.
But, while I’m still not ready to FaceTweet the news, I’m going to TRY to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve had no health issues in my life, so maybe I won’t have any issues now. Or maybe I’ll be too busy throwing up tomorrow to complain about it.