I Will Not Be Stupid (Anymore)Posted: 03/22/2013
I did a stupid thing. It would have been stupid before I got pregnant, but it was REALLY stupid now that I’ve got Zig inside of me.
Maybe not. All that heavy-lifting bunk is bunk, right? I hope so.
I walked down to my local pet shop, Wags and Whiskers, for some kitty litter. Thought it would be a nice walk in some 40 degree weather. I’d get the smaller bag and get a little exercise on the way back. And, yes, in the back of my mind, I thought: Hey, I’ll have to be able to carry my kid everywhere soon. I compared my future child to a bag of kitty litter. And this did not give me pause.
I put my coat on (forgot my scarf) and headed out into what was a surprisingly windy afternoon. I immediately missed my scarf, but did not go back to get it.
Made it to the store to the tune of some Stevie Wonder, rocking out with my sunglasses on, and enjoying the (still very cold) fresh air. I’m finding myself a little shorter of breath than I’m used to, but no big. I walked into the adorable store, all smiles, and headed to the back to get the litter.
They only had the big bags. The bags that (I only just now looked – I couldn’t bear it before now) contain 40 lbs of cat litter.
I did not pause, I did not think, I just hauled the bag up to the counter, grabbed some dog treats, and paid. The owner asked me if I wanted help out to my car. This, also, did not give me pause.
I picked the bag up like, well, a baby. I was basically hugging it, holding on for dear life, with the treats in the canvas bag I had brought for the smaller litter. So glad I thought ahead on THAT.
I did not, at any point, think I should go get my car.
It’s about a 10 minute walk. With about 20 stop/starts and 50 different carry positions, I made it home in around half an hour.
When I was two blocks away from my house, that’s when I first thought Hey, maybe someone will take pity on me and stop. I either looked extremely pitiful or extremely high (at one point, I forced the litter bag into my canvas bag and Santa Claused it over my shoulder. That lasted about 5 seconds before my wrist felt like it was going to break and I had to switch to my other side. My other favorite was the two-handed waddle with the canvas bag in front of me). Another part of me ABSOLUTELY DID NOT want someone to stop. I can take care of MYSELF, thank you.
About a block away from my house, I finally thought about going to get my car. But what, was I going to leave the litter on the street for any Joe Cat Owner to steal? That stuff costs a good amount of change, and my cheapness wins out over my weakness any day. Besides, I’m not one to admit defeat. Just one more block…
At several times during the journey home, I did think about Ziggy. I told it to hang in there, to help me out, remember to lift with your legs.
By the end, I was thanking the 40 degrees of chill. The gloves were off, the coat was open, and I was very glad that I had forgotten my scarf.
But I did it. I won. I completed this mission that was in no way necessary. I completed this idiotic challenge.
And now I’m telling you about it, because, obviously, I feel proud of myself. This is almost as bad as that period I had where I threw up at every party I went to. I was a ninja barfer – no one ever knew… until I told them how awesome it was that I had just thrown up without anyone knowing.
Hey, mom, look what I did. I hauled a 40 pound bag of cat litter home for no reason.
Thankfully, everything seems to be fine with Ziggy, as far as I know. My elbow pits (whatever those things are called) are sore, my shoulders and neck aren’t loving me right now, but I think all of the important stuff is still in the right place. Hopefully, Zig is happily peeing inside of me right at this moment.