Pregnancy is like… PoopingPosted: 06/24/2013
Lately, I’ve found myself in a position that I often find myself in. How much information is too much? I never like talking about myself, because I don’t think people actually want to hear about other people. It’s small talk. I’m terrible at small talk. But once I get going, I don’t really know where to start. I’m pretty much a book that stays open. As much as you want to know, I’ll tell you. But no one really wants to know, right?
Now, I have a brand new appendage to talk about: Ziggy. I will definitely be one of those mothers who can’t stop talking about her kids, but right now, I’m talking about something inside of me, willing to share as much as you want to hear. But how much is too much?
I’m pretty sure most people, for example, don’t really need to know that I can no longer fit into any of my pants or that my feet haven’t started swelling (yet). They don’t care that I’m still running, in fact, that’s probably obnoxious. And the one that really is hard for me to process, because it’s so freaking WEIRD is that people either don’t care or are extremely freaked out that the fetus is kicking me from the inside.
Okay, yes. It’s freaky. And you can see it now, which is double freaky. Triple. I don’t know what. People with parasites know what I’m talking about. Or gas. It’s a lot like gas. Which brings me to the subject of this post. Pregnancy is a lot like the process of digestion.
When the baby moves, it feels like that pocket of gas that you haven’t worked out yet or that feeling just before you have explosive diarrhea. A kick is like a hiccup that you have no control over. And the end, I’m told, is like pushing out the biggest, hard-as-rock poop you can imagine.
See? Too much information. But hey, if you’re curious about what it feels like, I think this is better than wearing the Empathy Belly. Maybe not. I don’t know.
So, pregnancy is like pooping, and I’m going to keep talking about it, because I’m living it 24/7. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask, because you will get it ALL. You’ve been warned.