Let’s Talk About Sex

… gender, that is. See what I did there?

boy_girl_symbolsEver since the hus and I decided not to find out whether we’re having a girl or boy, I’ve been thrown into the world of ‘those who know’. Everyone has a different method for figuring out what sex Ziggy will be. I personally think it’s going to be a boy. Not because I have some motherly instinct or sixth sense or voodoo, it’s just what I think. I could very well be wrong. SOMEONE has to be, because everyone’s methods for figuring it out have a different conclusion.

Here are the various methods I’ve encountered so far. Feel free to leave yours at the door:

1. The position of the bump – If it’s making you spread your legs to bend over, it’s a boy. If it’s all up in your boobs, it’s a girl.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: BOY

2. All Baby vs. Pancake – Walking around with a bowling ball in your stomach? Boy. Spreading out and getting puffy? Girl.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: BOY (though It’s more of a very large watermelon now)

3. Racing Heart – This is the one the doctors spread around. Apparently, girls have faster hearts. My midwife says it’s because we work harder. While I hate gender stereotypes, at this very pregnant point in my life, I tend to agree with her.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: BOY

4. The surface of the bump – This comes from my Hong Kongese sister-in-law. If the belly button end of the bump is flat, it’s a girl. If it’s pointy, it’s a boy. Insert penis joke here.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: GIRL

5. And since we’re over in Asia, there’s the Chinese Gender Predictor, which uses your date of conception/due date and birthday to calculate what you’re having.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: GIRL

6. The necklace trick – Dangle a necklace with a pendant over your belly. Girls make the necklace move in a circle. Boys make it go back and forth. I have no necklaces, so I just tried this with my iPhone headphones three times. It was a boy the first time and a girl the second and third.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: INCONCLUSIVE

Obviously, the only way we’ll know for sure is by looking at Ziggy’s crotch when s/he pops out. Even ultrasounds get it wrong sometimes.

I definitely see pros and cons to both. Boys are easier to deal with after puberty, but you have to make the great circumcision decision. Girls, I hear, are often less dirty, but they get periods, date boys, and have to battle society to feel good about themselves. Husband wants a girl, but he didn’t grow up as one. It’s not the most awesome thing in the world.

We’ll be happy with what we get, obviously. But it’s fun to imagine what it will be. Hair is mommy-look-like_smgoing to be an issue for the poor kid, and s/he is definitely going to need glasses. But I think we’re good on nose, unless my father’s sneaks it’s way in there.  I hope it gets his metabolism and my olivey skin. It could have blonde hair and will definitely have hazel eyes. It could be tall and have horrible feet (thanks again, dad). It could be musical or artistic or athletic or brilliant or it could be a very normal, average person. It will definitely be a sack of potatoes for at least a few months. And we’ll love it at every stage, boy or girl, righty or lefty, bad or good, whatever and whoever it is.

S/he is kicking me right now, I’m assuming because I went all sappy. Hey – another method!

7. Ask the fetus – Ask it to kick if it’s a girl, wait 5 seconds. Ask it to kick if it’s a boy, wait 5 seconds. Here it is, folks. Straight from the bump’s mouth or skin or… now it’s getting weird.

  • ZIGGY SAYS: GIRL

So, if it turns out to be a boy we’ll know our child is a big, fat liar.

Just-Kidding-Font

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