Big-Ass Baby

41 weeks and 1 day.

We had our biophysicial profile today and scored an 8, so things are still looking good. I’m 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced, for those who don’t mind knowing about what my insides are doing. My placenta is an old lady, but that’s normal. We came home with a prescription for sex every other day. CVS has refused to fill it.

We also came home a bit confused. Everything looks good, it’s true, but everything also, apparently, looks big. 9+ pounds big.

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I wasn’t too worried about this, though a week ago, they guesstimated the kid was about 7 pounds. I’ve heard about 15 pound babies – 9+ doesn’t sound that bad. I was 9+ and my mom delivered me naturally. The ultrasound tech also said that her estimates are usually over, and that it was probably more like 8+ pounds. I felt reassured.

… until we got to the midwives’ office, where they said the ultrasound wizard lady (who was in some back room watching the screen as they were ultrasounding Ziggy and making the real assessments) actually CALLED the midwives to talk about how big-ass this baby is.

When the midwife felt around, she seemed to think it was pretty normal-sized. She asked me how big I thought it was, because there’s apparently ‘research’ that says mothers know better than anyone, but I have no freaking clue. ISN’T THAT YOUR JOB?

Apparently not. But even so, it’s office policy to have a ‘talk’ when the estimate is over 9 pounds. This was a hilarious legally-mandated talk about having an elective c-section. Hilarious because these are midwives, so there was a lot of eye-rolling and head-shaking. No problem – that’s why I chose midwives. I’m not into having a c-section unless I have to.

They were definitely trying a little too hard to reassure me, saying that our bodies grow the babies that we can handle, but that kind of stiff upper lip talk just makes me more antsy. I’m focusing on the fact that they all seemed clueless – that’s what’s most reassuring to me.

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Of course, now Ziggy has body dysmorphic disorder before even exiting the womb. I was hoping to avoid passing that one along until s/he was at least 5 years old.

My amniotic fluid is at 7cm, and 5cm is when they start to worry. We went ahead and set an induction date for next Wednesday morning, which will put me right at 42 weeks. Though I would love LOVE love to avoid induction, I know it won’t be the end of the world.

But if there’s anything you can do, Ziggy, let’s get this show going before then, please. The longer you’re in there, the more you’ll grow, and if you aren’t already big-ass, you’re on your way there.

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